Family and friends

Depression is a very selfish illness. I don’t include mania in that statement because you tend to love everything and everyone and thats not very selfish now is it? Although mania can make you snappy so I guess you could include it.Ah well!

Yes,depression is a very selfish illness. I feel so sad,so lonely,so hopeless. Me,me,me,me,me! You don’t really give a thought to those around you. Those who care. Also,so helpless,unable to help you in any way. It must be so frustrating for them and painful to watch as loved ones cry in pain and sadness. The pain from depression is real,you feel it in your bones like a chill you would get from being damp in the cold air. Oh it hurts so much and you know you are trapped there and the only peace you will have is when you close your eyes and (hopefully ) sleep. But who is there to take away the loved ones pain? How do they cope? I have put my husband through the wringer and yet he’s still there,like a rock,to hold me up,hold my hand.Wipe away my tears and try in any way he can to make it even the slightest bit better. He has read up on my illness and understands a lot and even when he doesn’t,he doesn’t brush it off . He still tries. I’ve said before, he helps me survive this beast of an illness. The remorse I feel for the pain I must have put him through when he was thirty minutes away and he knew I was going to hurt myself,I was going to try to end the pain. Yet he still saved me.He still saved my life. When I am on the rockiest bottom he will still try and find a way to make me comfortable. Yet I can’t be there to soothe his pain. We don’t mean to be selfish or mean and nasty. When thoughts are racing through your head at the speed of light and you can’t think straight so you snap someones head off when they ask you the simplest of questions,we don’t mean it. Its just really hard to think straight with all of those thoughts swirling around like a big bowl of spaghetti.

I guess all we can do is try. Try our hardest to manage our illness so it has little impact on those around us. Also be thankful that we are loved and say those thanks because they could mean the world to a tired,overwhelmed family member or friend. Show remorse if you know that you’ve hurt someone and always be kind (when you can) because we don’t know what all of those around us are going through and like I said,depression is selfish so we don’t think about it an awful lot., and everyone has feelings.

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