Wind out of my sails

I glanced out of the window and there before me was a rainbow of tree tops. Oranges,yellows,greens,browns and reds.It was so beautiful yet I felt a sadness in my bones. You see it was two years ago that I had my first,and second pretty damn quickly after being released the first time,stay in a psychiatric ward. One thing that bothered me immensely was that during that time I missed the changing of the leaves.When I went in,they were barely changing and by the time I came out after the second stint,the trees were bare. Fall is my favorite time of year and ever since then,I have made a point of taking in all of the beauty to be had yet it sometimes catches me off guard and saddens me. Reminds me that I’m sick and must manage my illness or I will become very sick very quickly,again. It also reminds me of those stays. Yes,I met some really nice people, found an awesome doctor and had some laughs but it was also an extremely sad time for me. I felt so alone,so full of despair that this “thing” had it’s grips on me. yet its good to grieve so I let myself feel that pain again instead of trying to push it down. I let it wash over me today and right now,even though I feel a little off,I feel better. Again,with the acceptance comes some freedom. Instead of fighting those feelings today and ultimately making myself feel worse, I let them be and now I’m free of them for now. I was able to do my children’s homework with them and have supper with them. Drop off the boys  to their football practice and now hang with the little one as I write this. Once upon a time,the thought of doing one of those tasks would have had me diving under the bed clothes. Always remember, it can,with work,get better.

6 thoughts on “Wind out of my sails”

  1. You are a fantastic writer. Your blog is inspiring and you are very courageous. Thank you for sharing. The world is a better place with you in it. Keep writing . . . take it one word at a time. You know, like life.

  2. Tash – Read your blog for the first time. How lovely are you! Your blog is outstanding. I know that I don’t know you that well but I admire you loads! Love Juanita x

  3. My dearest tash, i absolutely love your blog and sadly identify with much of what you write. Your journey to share your experiences is so couragous and empowering. IM sure many many other moms will benefit. Miss you. A Big Hug from me. Dont Ever stop writing. Your story wants to be told it seems. I AM looking forward to your next posts.

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