Now in my experience,anyone that doesn’t have experience with mental illness think of psychiatric hospitals like one flew over the cookoo’s nest.All stark white with bars and people running around shrieking scaring the living daylights out of anyone with their wits about them (or not) The sad thing is,they are still not like regular hospitals that you are admitted to until you recover. Your worried family and friends visit,sit by your bedside holding your hand,bringing you flowers or grapes and telling you funny stories.No,sadly,it’s not like that at all. Where I went for all of my stays was pleasant,the beds were comfy,the people that worked there, nice (well,most of them)you had groups to go to and activities to go to BUT you were locked in and if you went near that door a nurse that was built like a brick shit house would start to walk towards you and you would run!!(or you wouldn’t,hilarious story to come!!)
I felt safe there but I didn’t want to be there and I wasn’t easy to deal with.They said I was having a mixed episode I believe( i’ll have to double check) I was sad,wanted to hurt myself but I was having racing thoughts and was very angry,nothing was right and nothing was the way I wanted it. I was worried because all of a sudden I had disappeared from my children’s lives.poof,there one minute,in the ER the next. what would they think,what did anyone think.Everyone would think I was crazy and stay away from me.It was a very sad time. I was there two weeks when I had finally had enough.I convinced my doctor that I felt fine,everything was great,yes I would go to outpatient and yet less than a week later I was back,again! Funny thing is,a lll of this happened around two years ago to this day.They say that its seasonal.When I saw my doctor the other day,he told me that the hospital was full of people with bipolar. Also the weird thing is,i’ve been feeling pretty darn good yet I wake up this morning feeling off,sensing the darkness creeping in around the edges of my brain.Today is a bloody horrible day,overcast,windy and cold. I busied myself up to now but I still feel off.
This post was supposed to be about a girl I met. A girl with obvious illness,but man was she funny. She took a liking to me,well up until the day I said “for god’s sake” and she took great offense.I should have guessed by the loud singing of the hail Mary that filled the corridors at night time!! She forgave me in the end when I realized and apologized! She did some funny assed things and I’ll tell you more another day.