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swings and roundabouts

Hands up if this weather drives you up a wall? Freezing one minute,sunshine the next.I have been telling myself that I will get back into running as son as I feel level.When will that be? Is that like saying “i’ll go on a diet on monday” or “I’ll finish that project as soon as I have done XY&Z” ? I  just need to get my running shoes on and go. The year before I had my first real episode,I ran five half marathons and lots of other races too.I loved that I could just run and run.Funny thing is,learning more about my illness,I’m thinking that maybe,just maybe,I was a wee bit manic then.I would just run,and run and run.Up a mile hill after an eight mile run,just for the fun of it.hmmmm. So anyway I have to be careful when I get myself back into it. I’m hoping that sharing it on here will give me more encouragement to lace up those sneakers and go.

What exercise do you do to help quiet the mind?

Talking of quietening the mind,I wanted to share this with you as I loved this book.Anyone else read it?what did you think.

Well considering that I woke up in a pretty blah mood,I feel lighter for writing this today. Enjoy your day.

Rollercoaster

So I’d been having a great few weeks and this medicine is really helping.Yet sometimes the doldrums still hit.

Yesterday was Halloween and my kids are getting to the age where they don’t want you to go trick or treating with them apart from #4. I just couldn’t haul myself out of my low mood.Thankfully my husband was there to take over and help,again, and she got to bring home quite the stash (which I’m also convinced isn’t good for my mood!!)

I can tell when it’s coming. Any flat surface I see,I just want to lay my head on. Thankfully today is brighter and I’m looking forward to helping,or should I say,making them,give some f the twenty pounds plus of candy to send to the troops as a little thank you gesture.

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How about you? How are you feeling today? Continue reading Rollercoaster

Weekends

Hey there,

Just dropping in to say that I try my hardest to spend the weekends with my family.This will be a blog that is updated in the week.However,if you have any questions,give me a shout on Natasha@bipolarmomliving.com and I’ll do my best to respond promptly.

just remember ,you matter!

The beginning (or the end, so I thought)

The past two years are hazy.
The past two years are hazy.

They say that anything can trigger an episode but especially something traumatic.  I’d say having two major surgeries for tumors that were unknown if they were cancer or not,was traumatic. Apparently I started to act strange,get very down or really get into something and be super passionate about it.I remember that episode and cringe at just how passionate I got. It went on for months.My husband thought that I just wasn’t handling the surgeries well.I started drinking.I had never been a big drinker.Maybe half a glass of wine at thanksgiving,if that.This was a beer on the porch which turned into two and then three.Every other night quickly turned into every night.The thing is,I didn’t see a problem.we don’t.As far as I was concerned I was just enjoying a couple of cold beers on a summers evening.I was waking feeling down,not myself,lacking motivation.Generally being a Debbie downer,and I had four kids that needed me.Lord only knows how they managed and what they think of it all.

I was seeing a psychiatrist at the time.I’d been on and off anti depression meds since my first was born and I suffered terrible post partum. She put me on an anti depressant,then an anti anxiety med and before I  knew it,I was on lithium.I wasn’t told I was bipolar then.I thought she was just trying to help me.Summer came and went and we entered fall,a well known fact that fall is one of the worst times for people with Bipolar. I was starting to feel desperate. I remember driving to a parking lot,my head on the steering wheel,thinking to myself “this is never going to get better,I’m never going to get better” I called my therapist who told me to go to the emergency room.I didn’t want to,I didn’t want to go to a

psych ward.All those movies that I had seen.I was deathly afraid to go yet deathly afraid of what I might do to take away the pain.So I called my husband,he came home and took me to the emergency room. They were very kind there,although I didn’t like having someone watch me constantly.I begged to pee alone and they eventually agreed if I left the door ajar.I started to wonder what I had done.Begged my husband to take me home but it was too late.The ball was rolling and I couldn’t stop it.

Next stop.The psych ward.